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Rick Santorum Shirtless: Keeping Kids Abstinent One Nipple At A Time Rick Santorum took a break from his usual spewing nonsense about the dangers of rubbing unmarried loins together and letting silly women make important choices about their own deviant bodies to offend another oft-persecuted group of people, the scary foreign-tongued Mexicans. Sure they may live in […] Poor Mittens Romney. It’s trying to act like a human being, but it just doesn’t know how. Hell, the more it tries to act like an actual carbon-based, oxygen breathing entity, not futuristic cyborg Terminator Mormonator sent to terrorize humanity, the more we are all convinced it is in fact just a newer, more advanced, […] Via Big Swinging Chicks: Still irrelevent San Diego Chargers’ QB and Satan gangledopper, Philip Rivers, has apparently taken a break from his usual shrieking at opposing teams’ sidelines and fumbling key, game-clinching snaps to throw his (wobbly, slightly-retarded looking, likely intercepted) ball into a different kind of arena: the political one. But sadly for Mr. Rivers, […] You Know Who Else Mitt Loves? That Guy! (Oh Wait, That’s A Mirror!) Willard “Mitt” Romney is a lover of many things. Many, many generic things. He loves air, for instance. The way it effortlessly swirls around from place to place, filling up empty space without ever being noticed. The delicate way it fills your chest, […] Billionaire everyman Willard “Mitt” Romney simply cannot stop reminding America what a regular, down-to-earth, hard-working, obscenely wealthy, non-robot guy he is, with a white picket fence (around one of his mansions, he’s sure!) and a wife who drives “a couple of Cadillacs” like the rest of you people with jobs and what’s the weird “M” […] Now, normally when a smug, disingenuous politician, like say, Rep. Pete Hoekstra of Michigan, releases a totally offensive, cartoonishly racist ad featuring an Asian lady riding a bicycle through Asian rice paddies and taunting Michiganers about how lazy and unemployed they are through stereotypical broken English, their popularity increases exponentially, usually as a misguided populist […] It’s Valentine’s Day and naturally there’s only one thing on everyone’s mind: What hot, romantic, sexytime plans does ladykiller Newt Gingrich have for his beautiful, cancer (and brain!)-free third wife Callista? Will he shower her with lavish Tiffany diamonds he can’t afford? Will he feed her the finest chocolates from around the world? Haha, just kidding, […] Leave it to sweater-vest rocking, missionary-sex crusading, Christ loving, gay-bashing Republican Rick Santorum to know just what the Jews of South Carolina (all six of them!) want to hear around Hanukkah time: A quote from Jesus Christ in the New Testament threatening people who don’t follow HIS word. Here’s looking at you, Jews! Because nothing says […] Ah Mittens. Fresh off a most undeserved and uninspired victory over a gelatinous blob of ethical lapses and abandoned wives in the Florida Republican primary, Willard “Mitt” Romney proceeded to promptly squander all momentum and break the Golden Rule of presidential politics: pretend not to be the cold, heartless, asshole you really are. Whoopsies! You see, to […] |
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