It’s Not Stealing When Your Name is Michael Steele

Waaaasup peeps, it’s big pimpin’, off-the-hook chairman Michael Steele rolling all large and phat with his boyz in the Republican National Committee like the badass mofo that he is.

Only problem is, thanks to the big spendin’ ways of Mr. Balls of Steele, the RNC is almost as broke as the rest of those pathetic weasels and miscreants trying to get Uncle Sam to pay for every silly life-saving procedure their little malfunctioning hearts desire.

Turns out, the Republican Party is raking in the dough…except of course for the part that Michael Steele runs. And a 2009 spending spree has left the Republican National Committee with its worst election-year cash flow this decade. That’s whack, yo!

Thing is, when Michael Steele took over as the hippest chairman and dopest youth liaison to ever grace the Republican National Committee, the organization was ballin’, with $22.8 million in cash and no debt. But ever since the Steele man started calling the shots, the RNC suddenly finds itself with only $8.7 million in the bank heading into a year with 37 governors’ races, a dozen major Senate races, and dozens more races in the House. What up wit dat!?

According to one RNC official: “It is very troubling, and the thing is, most people don’t understand this. But it is really troubling.”

“They’re spending money at 2002 levels when they are not raising money at those levels,” said another GOP operative. “That kind of thing worked when RNC was awash in money, but you can’t do that in this environment.”

Apparently, idiocy only works for Republicans during bull markets.

“Steele’s setting us far back with his comments and it needs to stop,” one senior Senate aide said, adding that the RNC chairman was a “fool.”

Good thing is there are plenty of people willing to “take care” of the (Michael Steele) problem–for a price. Of course, getting him to shut that big trap of his costs extra.

“He has made no progress in walking back the recent comments (about the GOP’s inability to lead)…In fact, he dug the hole deeper by appearing unprepared and uneducated…Aides are collaborating with each other, both on and off the Hill, on ways to keep him quiet.”

How hard can it be? Just give the dude something fun and sparkly to play with. That should keep him busy for the next couple of days or so. Or at least long enough to not destroy the party before the 2010 elections.

Then it’s time for the Steele to shine. Or rust. Either way.

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