Supreme Court Rules Wacko Westboro Church's Picketing Soldiers' Funerals Is Free Speech; Sadly Same Goes For Sarah Palin's 140-Character Ghostwritten Tributes To Herself

When not granting sleazy mega corporations the same rights, privileges, and fabulous new ability to donate as much cold, hard cash to political campaigns as your average Snuggie-wearing schlub on the sofa stuffing Pringles in his mouth, the Supreme Court is busy doing other vital things, like coming thisclose to unanimously ruling in favor of the right of Fred Phelps and the Westboro Baptist Church to shriek outside gay soldiers’ funerals with signs that say “God Hates Fags” and “AIDS Cures Fags” because of like freedom of speech or whatever.

It would have been unanimous, if not for the lone dissent of fearless, temper tantrum-throwing Justice Samuel Alito, who never misses a chance to disrupt a State of the Union address by NObama, or give the government more power over individual liberties, including the freedom to spew vile, racist shit at grieving loved ones of slain soldiers or innocent Muslim families and their children en route to charity events.

In his dissent, Justice Alito likened the Westboro Baptist Church protest to ‘fighting words,’ which are not protected by the First Amendment. “Our profound national commitment to free and open debate is not a license for the vicious verbal assault that occurred in this case.”

“In order to have a society in which public issues can be openly and vigorously debated,” he wrote, “it is not necessary to allow the brutalization of innocent victims.”

Au contraire, Sammy, ya sensitive shmuck! That’s why you don’t get to carry the big gavel, like Dr. Roberts over here. How you like them fightin’ words?

Speaking for the majority, Chief Justice John G. Roberts Jr. said, “Speech is powerful. It can stir people to action, move them to tears of both joy and sorrow, and — as it did here — inflict great pain.”

“Debate on public issues should be robust, uninhibited and wide-open” (just like Bristol Palin!), because “speech on public issues occupies the highest rung of the hierarchy of First Amendment values.”

“But, we cannot react to that pain by punishing the speaker. The national commitment to free speech requires protection of even hurtful speech on public issues to ensure that we do not stifle public debate.”

OMG, so true! I mean how else would Sarah Palin be able to contribute factually incorrect ghostwritten ruminations on her own terrible, conjured up victimization in 140-delightful characters or less? Because the important thing here is that it is now legal to say “God Hates Fags” and “Thank God For Dead Soldiers” in public, but private citizen, living legend, andconstitutional scholar Sarah Palin is not allowed to say “God” at all.

We the Sarah.

Who is this “we” she’s talking about? Lou Sarah? Another one of her various super secret Twitter accounts? And what is this public square of which she twats? The abandoned old parking lot of the Assembly of God church in downtown Wasilla?

Everyone knows Sarah Palin invokes God whenever and wherever she can round up a bunch of horny unemployed men with greasy hair to wave American flags and shout about taking back our country from no-good Secret Muslim Terrorist Socialist Presidents from Kendonesia!

Nobody, I said, nobody, but especially not some fruitcake in a potato sack is gonna take away her God-given right to talk about the God that loves her the most of all.

God doesn’t hate gays. He hates Muslims! And people who don’t like Sarah Palin.

In related breaking news, the Supreme Court unanimously upheld Sarah’s “persecution/victim/narcissist complex” in the landmark case Sarah Palin v. Planet Earth.

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