The Supremely Sordid Tale Of Justice Clarence Thomas, His Crazy Wife Ginni, & A 7 A.M. Phone Call No One In Their Right Mind Should Ever Make

Ooooh, A Supreme Love Triangle!

Hmmm, a word of advice to anyone whose spouse has been accused of sexual harassment, whether it is during their very contentious Supreme Court confirmation hearing or not: do not, I repeat, do not call the accuser out of the blue at 7:30 a.m. on a Saturday morning politely asking for an apology. I don’t care if 20 years have passed since the vile woman (Anita Hill) accused your perfect hubby (Justice Clarence Thomas) of doing all sorts of weird, distasteful things with his pubes (eww, gross!) and a can of diet coke, or if you’re still feeling a little bit salty about the whole thing because well, you just know your lovely man would never, ever do such vulgar, terrible things. Neverrrrrrr!

Still, this is never a good reason to leave a delightfully passive-aggressive voicemail nicely asking your hubby’s former-aide-turned-accuser if she maybe felt like apologizing for being so darn sexy that sweet, darling, innocent Clarence had no choice but to constantly chat her up about breasts, porn, pubic hair and whatever other weird, distasteful things qualified as sexual harassment in the ’80s.

So while Anita Hill was spending her Columbus Day Weekend doing whatever it is liberal Brandeis law professors do on their three-day weekends commemorating Christopher Columbus’ discovery and subsequent destruction of America’s indigenous cultures (light Shabbat candles?), Virginia “Ginni” Thomas was doing what real American patriots who run sketchy anti-Obama grassroots organizations do (other than rejoicing over said destruction of indigenous cultures!): heard the voice of Jesus Christ commanding her to dial up Anita Hill promptly at sunrise on Saturday and leave the following, not-at-all-bizarre, inappropriate message:

“Good morning Anita Hill, it’s Ginni Thomas. I just wanted to reach across the airwaves and the years and ask you to consider something. I would love you to consider an apology sometime and some full explanation of why you did what you did with my husband. So give it some thought. And certainly pray about this and hope that one day you will help us understand why you did what you did. O.K., have a good day.”

Oh, Ginni! Didn’t our Lord & Savior Jesus Christ teach you anything about randomly calling up the woman who two decades earlier accused your lovely hubby and now powerful Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas, of being some weird sex fiend, asking her to apologize for your husband being a sick sexytime perv, and then having the sheer audacity to hope she enjoys the rest of her lovely day?

Did Anita Hill have a good day? Eh, probably not, unless you consider spending almost a week trying to decide whether the insane message was really left by Ginni Thomas or some teenage prankster from 4chan before forwarding it to the Brandeis campus police and letting the FBI deal with it, as some relaxing, all-expense paid spa vacation in a luxury tropical resort.

Cause Anita Hill doesn’t. Maybe because this isn’t the first time that ol’ sparkplug Ginni Thomas has taken it upon herself to “reach out” to Miss Hill and demand a deep, heartfelt apology for her husband being such a hot, sexy stud that she simply could not resist his smooth, chocolatey charms all those years ago when she testified before Congress and shattered Ginni’s Ambien-clouded, Tea-soaked world, where her husband wasn’t some secret sex creep.

“Virginia Thomas and I have never met,” Hill writes in her memoir, “and one can imagine that she is guided by her own romantic interest in her husband when she assumes that other women find him attractive as well.”

Awww, snap!

Oh, what, like the sight of a balding, massive 285lb, 62-year-old Uncle Tom nutjob in a robe doesn’t make you start tingling all over, particularly in those sinful, private places Christine O’Donnell would never dare touch??

“I thought it was certainly inappropriate,” Ms. Hill said. “It came in at 7:30 a.m. on my office phone from somebody I didn’t know, and she is asking for an apology. It was not invited. There was no background for it.”

Well excuuuuuuse Ginny for not knowing she needed permission to extend such a nice, sweet, generous peacemaking gesture as a 7:00 o’clock weekend wake-up call demanding an apology for publicly admitting all the gross things Clarence Thomas subjected her to, like whispering sweet nothings into her ear about the naughty things he’s gonna do to her on the bench with a gavel.

“I did place a call to Ms. Hill at her office extending an olive branch to her after all these years, in hopes that we could ultimately get past what happened so long ago,” she said. “That offer still stands. I would be very happy to meet and talk with her if she would be willing to do the same. Certainly no offense was ever intended.”

“I appreciate that no offense was intended, but she can’t ask for an apology without suggesting that I did something wrong, and that is offensive,” Hill said.

Not as offensive as the other no-good, lying whore Lillian McEwen, the latest wretched woman to come forth with terrible smears, conjured up tales about the sexual exploits of a certain Supremely handsome chocolately-hued Justice who she used to date and is probably just jealous that Ginni gets his hunky hot bod all to herself. That or she simply hates conservatives so much she is “stooping to the age-old blunt instrument of accusing a black man of sexual misconduct,” like Clarence is so fond of saying.

Sadly, Lillian McEwen did not get the chance to testify at ol’ Clarey’s confirmation hearings because although the two used to have a romantic relationship in addition to a work one, Clarence never even raped her or served her a chilled can of ice cold diet coke with a fresh sampling of his own Supreme pubes, like Anita, the lucky bitch!

But Lillian has is now breaking her 19-year silence because she is shopping a new memoir, debuting her new reality teevee show heard about that weird thing Ginni did to Anita, and well, it really rubbed ol’ Lillian the wrong way. Unlike how Clarence used to rub her, of course!

“He was obsessed with porn,” she said of Thomas, who is now 63. “He would talk about what he had seen in magazines and films, if there was something worth noting.”

Ummm, gross?

“He was always actively watching the women he worked with to see if they could be potential partners,” McEwen said matter-of-factly. “It was a hobby of his.”

Thomas would also tell her about women he encountered at work. He was partial to women with large breasts, she said. In an instance at work, Thomas was so impressed that he asked one woman her bra size, McEwen recalled him telling her.

Whatever. So the dude’s got a thing for all different color women with large breasts. I mean, like who doesn’t? Besides Scalia, Alito and the whole “different color” part of course!

Another woman, Sukari Hardnett, who worked as a special assistant to Thomas in 1985 and 1986, wrote in a letter to the Judiciary Committee that “If you were young, black, female and reasonably attractive, you knew full well you were being inspected and auditioned as a female” by Thomas.

Better than being auditioned as some weird tranny, no? You should see what that sex freak Chief Justice Roberts makes ’em do!

McEwen recalls writing Thomas a short note before the confirmation hearings, curious about what she should say if she were quizzed about their relationship. She said Thomas preferred that she would take “the same attitude of his first wife,” who never talked publicly about their relationship.

Yes, when in doubt, always act like the first wife (not the one who makes bizarre, pre-dawn phone calls). Got it?

Through the years, McEwen said, she has remained reasonably friendly with Thomas. Still, McEwen, a Democrat, acknowledges growing increasingly irritated with Thomas’s conservative jurisprudence and his penchant for casting himself as a victim in the Hill controversy.

But now, she says, “I know Clarence would not be happy with me. I have no hostility toward him,” McEwen said. “It is just that he has manufactured a different reality over time. That’s the problem that he has.”

Other than that crazy cracker wife Ginni and a chronic habit of sexually harassing every big-breasted lady lucky enough to land on his big, black dick, errr, docket. Docket! I mean docket!

Leave a Reply




You can use these HTML tags

<a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <s> <strike> <strong>