Economy « Democralypse Now – The Comically Screwed State Of Politics, In Small, Easy-To-Swallow Bites

Mark Sanford Disappearing Faster Than South Carolina’s Job Rate

South Carolina heartthrob Gov. Mark Sanford skipped a meeting with a top economic adviser and instead headed out of state to spend some quality time with the one woman he hasn’t been secretly doing, his lovely wife Jenny!

Now, normally I’m all for a little one-on-one time with the wifey, especially after hubby Mark’s tearful confession […]

Bank Stress Tests Show Under Mattress Still Best Option For Stashing Funds

To the shock and dismay of no one, Bank of America and Citigroup announced they are once again broke as hell and in dire need of some fresh taxpayer dough to continue squandering in obscene and offensive ways.

Stress tests of the 19 largest U.S. banks confirmed suspicions that Bank of America, Citigroup, Wells Fargo, and […]

Torture, Pig Flu, Sleeping Economists, Oh My!

Hollywood Squares, Crazy Global Edition!

What a week it’s been here in the good ol’ USA. That is, if you’ve managed to survive the latest import from our friendly southern neighbor (and not fun illegal stuff like drugs), but the lovely swine flu outbreak. Gracias Mexico! Nothing’s sexier than dirty pig disease.

If you still have your […]

A Different Kind Of Stimulus Package!

Another kind of bank is offering customers their own stimulus package during these tough economic times.

But instead of the usual boring free checking accounts or slashed interest rates you’ll find at Bank of America or Wachovia, this rebate comes in the form of Grade-A sperm at bargain basement prices!

Welcome to Xytex International, one of the […]

Barry Goes Hollywood

Obama Does Jay!

Omg. The media can’t stop buzzing about Barack Obama history-making turn as the first sitting president to ever make a guest appearance on the “The Tonight Show.”

And can you really blame them? First, the whole black president thing and now the late night circuit? The man just won’t stop!

But a lot of Republicans […]

Step Aside, Leroy Brown-There’s A New Baddest Man In Town!

Aw, hell no, AIG! In case you forgot, there’s a new sheriff in town. And this one ain’t f**king around. He means business.

But not the kind of business the wonderful folks over at AIG are used to. You know, the kind that fleeces $173 billion from the public in order to reward the brilliant […]

In Rush We Trust?

In his usual classy style, Mr. Sensitive Rush Limbaugh held a reasonable, informative discussion about health care reform by predicting the imminent demise of one of it’s most outspoken champions, Sen. Ted Kennedy (D-MA), who also happens to be suffering from a malignant brain tumor.On his radio show Friday, the ever brilliant Rush first blasted […]

Between Barack And A Hard Place

Well well what do you know? While President Obama was busy destroying America’s robust economy with his socialist policies and spendulus bills, there was one force brave enough to stand up against this liberal assault on freedom.

And we don’t mean by throwing some ridiculous Rick Santelli tea party with the rest of your Fox News […]

Paulson Predicts No More Major Institutions To Fail; Public Braces For Certain Collapse

See Anything Out There, Buddy?

Uh-oh. Treasury Secretary and hapless soothsayer Henry Paulson told CNBC today that he is “expecting no other major institutions to fail.”

Which means the s**t is about to hit the fan. Nothing against ol’ Hank here, but his track record isn’t exactly what I’d call comforting.

Sure, his previous prediction about the banking […]

Brazilian Stock Broker Prefers Death Over Market Reality

Don’t worry, America, things have pretty much gone to hell for Brazil’s stock market, too.

It’s gotten so bad in fact that one distraught Brazilian trader shot himself in the chest in the middle of Sao Paulo’s commodities and futures exchange pit.

Talk about a rough day at work.

Paulo Sergio Silva, 36, a trader for Brazilian banking […]

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