Mitt Romney Wins The Gold In The Olympic Sport Of Insulting Entire Kingdoms

With Willard “Mittens” Romney having trouble connecting to the riff-raff and vagabonds not retroactively raking in nine-figure salaries here in America, his advisors figured why not let ol’ Mitt try his perfectly manicured, white-gloved hand with the fine blokes across the pond, in the one and only land of Mary Poppins and mincemeat, wee Londontowne.

Naturally, Mitt’s trip to our former tea taxing tyrants went about as smoothly as you’d expect from a stiff Mormon with an uncanny knack for insulting every man, woman, and child he’s forced to awkwardly greet. Great Britain meet Gaffe Mittens!

Oooh, but whatever jerk thing came out of his mouth this time!?

“Do they come together and celebrate the Olympic moment? That’s something which we only find out once the Games actually begin,” [Romney] said.

“It’s hard to know just how well it will turn out. There are a few things that were disconcerting….The stories about the private security firm not having enough people, the supposed strike of the immigration and Customs officials – that obviously is not something which is encouraging.”

The remarks were greeted with anger, with many British supporters of the Games taking to Twitter to accuse Mr Romney of being graceless and rude.

To which he replied with a sincere thank you from the bottom of his heart heart-shaped box of money stashed in the Cayman Islands. Besides, he has been brushing up on his American!

Now Tory Prime Minister David Cameron has swiped back. Said Cameron: “We are holding an Olympic Games in one of the busiest, most active, bustling cities anywhere in the world. Of course it’s easier if you hold an Olympic Games in the middle of nowhere.”

Preferably, some great Lake of Sodium plopped in the middle of some weird Mormon desert paradise where a man and his sisterwives can build beautiful dressage arenas in peace and public slush funds.

I mean, it’s not as if this is the first time Sir Willard “Mitt” Romney has insulted his Anglo-Saxon brethren in the Great British Empire.

Via Political Wire:

Romney wrote, in his book, No Apology:

“England is just a small island. Its roads and houses are small. With few exceptions, it doesn’t make things that people in the rest of the world want to buy. And if it hadn’t been separated from the continent by water, it almost certainly would have been lost to Hitler’s ambitions.”

Sigh, a Morman can still dream, right?

Now that we all know that the London Olympics are just a hot metric tonne of rubbish compared to the awesome, exciting, Red, White, & Blue Olympics he ran in the U-S-A, will Mitt at least show some love for the world’s greatest Olympian, the dressage horse Rafalca and its proud owner Dame Ann Romney?

Please, something, anything, just a little to prove you do have some actual human emotions coursing through all that bluebood of yours??

“It’s a big, exciting experience for my wife. I have to tell you, this is Ann’s sport,” he said. “I’m not even sure which day the sport goes on. She will get the chance to see it, I will not be watching the event. I hope her horse does well. But just the honor of being here and representing our country and seeing the other Olympians is … something which I’m sure the people that are associated with this are looking forward to.”

“Associated with” as in married to, and “this” being the prized stallion he’s spent long evenings lovingly feeding carrots, stroking tenderly, and whispering sweet nothings to in the stable every night after everyone’s gone to sleep.

Though in his defense, some of Mitt’s best wives own horses!

[image via Wonkette]

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