The Daily Caller Hires Ginni Thomas In The Hopes That She'll Stop Calling Women To Demand Apologies For Being Sexually Harassed By Her Husband

Ginni Thomas, the loyal lobbyist Teabagging wife of Supremely silent and Supremely sexy Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas, has taken the next step in her professional journey of weird, quasi-legal, likely immoral influence-peddling conservative jobs, most recently accepting the not-at-all interest conflicting “special correspondent” position at the appropriately special needs wingnut website, The Daily Caller.


That’s right, Virginia “Ginni” Thomas is indeed joining the awful media elites she spends so much of her time bashing, just not the terrible arugula eating “mainstream media” (not named Fox news) specializing in “gotcha journalism” as “lapdogs for the other side” by reporting actual facts, not the crazed chalkboard conspiracies of whichever voices are whispering in Glenn Beck’s head now.

And who better to fill this important journalism job than someone who is not a journalist, despises the profession in general, and is used to earning her keep making ethics violations on her husband’s behalf, who per usual, had no comment.

Asked to discuss her latest, greatest, sketchball move to The Daily Caller, Ginni Thomas said, “It is a privilege to join such a fast-growing platform with a capable, fun-loving team who are filling a niche that the dinosaur media has underserved.”

Whoa, whoa, easy there Ginni! What did the nation’s proud paleontology trade journalists ever do to you, huh? It’s not their fault God created scientists!

Tucker Carlson, Daily Caller co-founder, editor, and unofficial president of bow-ties, said that Thomas’s position will be part time, beginning in “days or weeks” and will focus on “identifying and interviewing people who might in the future become influential in politics or who are already influential but who you may not know about.”

And not just because hubby Clarence forget to include so much as a single cent of Ginni’s hefty income on 13 years’ worth of financial disclosure reports. Whoopsies! An honest mistake anyone could make! I mean it’s not like we should expect a brilliant legal mind, one who sits on the highest court of the land and is called upon to understand and interpret the most complicated legal issues of our day, to be able to understand the simple directions of a federal disclosure form!

Carlson said Thomas “knows a ton of people” and likened her presence at the publication to “a dinner party formula: If you get a lot of interesting people with varied experiences and backgrounds and points of view and put them in one place, they’re apt to provide a pretty interesting evening.”

Or vomit on your pricey new stereo system. Either one, really.

“Ginni is always upbeat, she has an unbelievable amount of energy and enthusiasm and she knows our political system as well as anyone in Washington,” publisher and CEO Neil Patel, a former adviser to Vice President Dick Cheney, said. “We could not imagine a better person to take on this role.”

So true. Now when she calls up Anita Hill out of nowhere at the crack of dawn on a Saturday morning to demand an apology for being sooooo attractive (aka slutty) that her hubby Clarence just couldn’t stop harassing her with pubic hairs and diet coke, while instructing her to disrobe right there and hop on  his hard, throbbing gavel, it won’t be because she’s batsh*t crazy, it’ll  be because her job demands it!

Hellooooo people, it’s called the Daily Caller! I mean it freakin’ has Ginni’s name written all over it!

So kudos to Ginni and her wonderful new non-secret gig at the Daily Caller. Hopefully, this crack squad team of dedicated, hard-hitting non-journalists will finally answer the pressing, age-old questions on everyone’s mind, like where in the world is Barack Hussain Obama’s/Barry Soetoro’s birth certificate (hint: Kendonesia), why that no-good whore Anita Hill must publicly apologize to Ginni for getting in the way of Clarence Thomas’ big black dick, err, docket, I mean docket, and why Teabaggers are the bestest, most freedom ‘n Jesus loving, morbidly obese Americans ever to zip around on Socialized Medicare scooters, waving racist, misspelled signs, while shrieking about gays, poors, Muslims, fetuses and dead grandmothers.

So let freedom ring!

Don’t worry, Ginni will answer it.

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