What Do You Do When You're Old, Desperate, Confused, & Have An Election To Win? Call 1-800-Sarah!

Oh Walnuts! He’s so frail and confused now that he’s done EVERYTHING he possibly could to win the hearts and minds of rightwing nutjobs, and still finds himself in grave danger of getting the ol’ heave ho courtesy of an initial named madman who goes by the letters J.D. Hayworth. Poor Gramps. Life can be so unfair sometimes!

So Johnny did what any maverick with his back against the wall would do: called in for reinforcement. Black leather clad, cleavage exposing rogue reinforcement, that is.

Oh, you betcha!

Isn’t it great? All Johnny Mac has to do now is stand awkwardly to the side, grin uncomfortably, occasionally clap his hands like a demented robot monkey (minus the cymbals), and let the Barracuda do her thang, revving up the crowd with her trademark inappropriately-inflected speech about goin’ old school by writin’ stuff on her hand, ‘stead of using some “lamestream” media TELLYprompter thingamajig like some illegal black presidential tyrants who may or may not be Hitler.

But one thing Sarah sure knows, is this go-around, Gramps isn’t going home the sad sack, out-of-touch, loser who sold his soul and was left with nothing but a lame “I’m with Stupid Sarah” t-shirt.

But Lord knows anything’s better than having to run around with that insufferable shrew Cindy. Even if that ‘anything’ happens to be a pig in lipstick with less sense than the senile old gamblin’ man who thought it would be a really good idea to bet the whole House (White, that is) on an unknown Alaskan with a mean wink and mean IQ on par with the magical scrolling machine she’s always talkin’ ’bout!

Either way, the reunion of America’s favoritest dynamic duo of dysfunction and double standards could only mean one thing: Gramps’ got an election to win (or lose), and nothing, come hell, high water, or HAYWORTH, is gonna get between him and his senate seat, God damn it!

As one former adviser put it, “He is single-mindedly focused on destroying Hayworth and hates his guts and believes Palin will help him do that.”

After all, the woman’s gotta knack for destruction. ;) And mama always said, everyone’s got something they can do well!

7 comments to What Do You Do When You’re Old, Desperate, Confused, & Have An Election To Win? Call 1-800-Sarah!

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