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The world’s widely beloved Arctic snow drifter, the most perfect specimen since Jesus Christ Himself, Sarah Louise Palin, lent her ingenuity and grace to this year’s Senate elections, endorsing several choice candidates, many of whom were spectacularly defeated, most by embarrassingly wide margins. In several instances, Sarah’s unwelcome and idiotic intrusion into the electoral landscape cost […] Much like her past experience dabbling in witchcraft, crusading against the sin of self-pleasure, and pallin’ around with Ronald McDonald ‘n friends, Christine O’Donnell remained true to form while debating Democratic rival, and exasperated, smart guy foil, Chris Coons in their native Delaware, talking ’bout the need to teach creationism in school so America’s children […] The country’s, no make that the world’s best Mother, Sarah Palin of the Snowy North, took a break from her grueling schedule updating very important status messages on her favoritest Facebook to give an interview to some lamestream media outlet, Zap2it, or something, to let the whole world know how proud she is of her […] If you are a no-good, arugula-eating, non-mammal killing journylist in the Great State of Alaska and maybe wanna ask the actual Republican running for U.S. Senate, Joe ‘Grizzly Beard’ Miller, a question or two after a town hall meeting at an Anchorage middle school, consider yourself forewarned, my friend! “We’ve drawn a line in the […] “This is flippin’ fun! I’d rather be doing this than in some stuffy old political office. I’d rather be out here bein’ free!” — Sarah Palin, Mother Of All Grizzlies Everywhere Hear that America? Sarah Louise Barracuda Mama Grizzly Palin has big plans, BIG PLANS, to soon become President Empress of God’s America, because, well, […] Contrary to popular opinion, it’s not just Mama Grizzlies who bellow, roar, and seethe with white, hot anger when feeling even the slightest bit threatened by hunters, poachers, the lamestream media, or whatever dark, ominous forces are bothering the massive, predatory beasts now. Cause Papa can play that game too! And rest assured, Mama Grizzly’s husband, Anger […] America’s #1 puritan, self-pleasure-free, meatball-gobbling witch Christine O’Donnell has emerged from her self-imposed exile to avoid further humiliation on national TV every time she opens her adorable, scholarly mouth, with a brand spanking new, first-ever general election ad. And now that she’s rested, rejuvenated and perfected the ditzy substitute teacher with a steamy hot secret “I […] Since holding an actual elected position is clearly beneath her Arctic highness Sarah Palin (the only qualified person in America to do anything), perhaps more suited to her “skills” would be to function as an effective wingnut “cheerleader,” based purely on her experience in patriotically quitting the only elected statewide office she’s ever […] |
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