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The secret to soaring success in the Republican Party is all but guaranteed by following one of two surefire paths: bein’ a sexy hot mama with a killer bod, wicked aim, and all the wit and charm of a rabid hyena, with the brain power to match, or a freakishly ineffective, gaffe prone, bumbling black […] Exercise The (Oil) Demons, Bobby! Yeeeeehaaaaww America! The moment you’ve been waiting, hoping, and praying for your entire life has finally arrived, and just in the nick of time! In case somethin’ disastrous happens, like say, demonic blobs of British Petroleum ooze up from the shores and burst through your quiet, neighborhood church in Louisiana, threatening […] America’s favorite spurned, tell-all baby daddy and almost X-rated Alaskan answer to Scott Brown, hunky heartthrob Levi “Almost Showed My” Johnston wants you to know all those mean, terrible, private things he said about the Palins, specifically sweet matriarch Sarah Palin, were actually mere figments of his wild, teenage imagination and he’s deeply sorry for […] Why waste your time spending oodles of your precious, hard-earned money on those arugula-eating, elitist institutions with their liberal values (abortions & homos!) and hoity-toity academic accreditations? When for just a fraction of the cost you can get all that and more! Welcome to the brand spanking-new manifestation of Glenn Beck’s alcohol and drug ravaged, born […] Howdy America! It is that blissful time of year when Americans of all stripes red, white, and blue stripes only gather together to stuff burgers ‘n brats in their pie holes, throw back some ice cold brewskies, and watch multi-colored pyrotechnic lights explode in the night sky for freedom. And what better time to show the […] Oh Mikey, try as he might (and boy does he try!) to stop making his Grand Old Party look even more Grand Old Pathetic than it already is, there just doesn’t seem to be any way for Mr. off-the-hook Chairman of youth to avoid repeating the same mindblowingly stupid mistakes over and over again. Just […] What do you do when a desperate, scientifically unexplainable, glowing orange Boehner starts spouting his equally boneheaded opinions on __________ (fill in the blank with whatever subject he is currently waxing pathetic poetic about)? Why, you naturally give that big Boehner a slap upside the head for having the tangelos big enough to even so much […] |
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