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After eight loooong years of George W. Bush, those insatiable gays were finally ready for a president who doesn’t believe Hurricane Katrina was God’s way of showing his disapproval of their sinful lifestyle. So when Barack Obama actually defeated that nice old man from Arizona to become America’s first half-black president in history and the […] Mission Accomplished! Bill Clinton saves journalism! Okay, well not exactly, but he did save those two American journalists, Euna Lee and Laura Ling, from 12 years of HARD LABOR in some crazy North Korean prison camp. In a hush-hush, secret mission to secure the journalists’ release, America sent its best schmoozer William Jefferson Clinton to sweet-talk Kim […] Infamous lady killer and Italian prime minister Silvio Berlusconi took a break from his busy schedule of humping meter maids and hosting wild sex parties with young supermodels to defend himself against yet another excruciatingly embarrassing sex scandal–a leaked audio recording of him sweet talking a prostitute right after he finished having his way with […] Remember that ever-cool President Barack Obama with his big words and booming voice who’s going to fix all the problems of the world if those defeatist Republicans would stop bummer-boning all his good ideas for achieving real progress in this country? “This isn’t about me. This isn’t about politics. This is about a health care system […] Notorious gay-ignorer President Barack Obama used his speech commemorating the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People (NAACP)’s 100th anniversary to finally give the Queers of Color some much-needed presidential love. And to prove that, despite his refusal to act on such weighty matters as the right to get married, serve in the military without […] When closet sportscaster Barack Obama threw out the first ball at tonight’s All-Star Game that no one cares about, the big question was will he bring the heat like George W. Bush and Herbert Hoover? Or will he be a jelly-armed pussy like Jimmy Carter? Luckily, President Obama has been practicing since his first big league […] Barack Obama’s legendary replacement, Sen. Roland “No Taint” Burris, will NOT be running for re-election in 2010, keeping his streak of never being legitimately elected to the U.S. Senate alive and well. Go Roland! Although Burris has yet to announce his decision publicly, one can only assume it may have something to do with the fact […] OMG! The United States and the other seven richest economies responsible for turning the world into a CO2-filled, polar bear-less wasteland have finally agreed to stop their lucrative global assault on Mother Earth. Sort of. For the first time ever, leaders from the Group of Eight industrialized countries agreed to the goal? of keeping the world’s […] Unlike his possible closeted Muslim faith, Barack Obama’s deep ties to Africa is no secret. His father is Kenyan (remember the whole white Kansas mother, black Kenyan father thing?), and as a result, the entire continent is just bonkers for the man. He’s like practically their son! So Africa-Expert President Obama thinks he’s earned the […] |
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